Anti-bird replacement strategy with advice from Dick Van Dyke

For more info
visit cockatiel.com

So I decided not to take this "being replaced by a bird" thing lying down. (If you have no clue what I'm talking about see "I'm being replaced by a bird".  I figure I can compete with this bird-brain head-to-beak. Perhaps if I could become the "dream husband" she always wanted - the one she thought I was when she married me - then maybe she would take me over the bird. I just need to step it up a notch so that she will see that I am at least as good as any cockatiel.

So, here's my radical new plan:

Monday:  Help wife with dishes.
Tuesday:  Hug wife.
Wednesday:  Take out garbage when reminded by wife.
Thursday: Kiss wife before going to work (Pay attention men - kissing your wife on Thursdays before work is highly recommended. Dick Van Dyke kissed his wife (Mary Tyler Moore) every Thursday on the Dick Van Dyke show.
Friday: Say something complimentary about wife (for example, "Wow, that outfit is a lot nicer than the one you wore yesterday.")
Saturday: Hmmm.  I'll have to think of something.
Sunday:  Don't honk the horn when wife is getting ready for church.

So, tell me what you think.  If you have any recommendations (especially what to do on Saturdays), please use the comment box below.

Rand Paul must have read my blog...?

Here's a quote from Rand Paul on NBC's Today Show as reported by Deseret News in Salt Lake City (Associated Press story):  

Republican Rand Paul, who won a Kentucky Senate seat in a race powered by tea party support, said Americans need not fear gridlock in the next Congress because "debate is healthy."

"It seems like the most fiscally conservative government is always divided government," Paul said on NBC's "Today" show.

Clearly he is reading my blog (see Here's to partisan bickering).  

FCC Disclaimer: I did NOT recieve even a case of Tidy Bowl for this...

Since the FCC now requires that we bloggers disclose any payments or gifts made for product reviews, I can say candidly that I have never recieved any money from the manufacturer of Mansfield toilets; no all expense paid trip to Perrysville, Ohio; no free toilet; no cool toilet accessories to pimp out my water closet; not even a free case of Tidy Bowl cleaner.  Oh well.

Actually, I don't like my Mansfield toilet.  It looks nice and everything, but it has one serious flaw.  It doesn't flush. We'll it does sometimes, but often it doesn't.  Not on the first try.  Sometimes not on the second try.  Three tries and some vigorous plunging, and your there.  Not my idea of modern convenience. 

I'm not in favor of these supposedly environmentally favorable toilets that waste more water than they save.  I want a real toilet that shakes the house when you flush it.  I want one that sounds like lunchtime at Jurassic Park; that makes you want to stand back a little for fear of being sucked into it.  That's the toilet I'm shopping for.  Any suggestions?  (Use the comments box below).