Nothing quite like a clogged toilet to make Christmas merry!

I was laughing heartily out-loud yesterday, just one day after Christmas...a big jolly "Ho, Ho, Ho" kind of laugh.  The joke was on me this time.  It all began with a clogged toilet.  I've already blogged about this whimpy supposedly environ-"mental" toilet we have. 

So the day after Christmas it clogs.  This time, no ordinary plunger is going to work, so I'm off to Walmart to find a solution.  And I find it; the magnum class, air-powered, toilet plunger.  As soon as I read the safety warnings ("This is not a toy.  Keep out of reach of children. Misuse may result in serious injury or damage.) I knew I had the right thing. 

Once home, I loaded the cartridges and scanned the directions.  I remember something about "must have a tight seal".  How was I to know that by that they meant "must have a tight seal"?  Anyway, I fired this thing, and "boom!" - it was a marvel how quickly and easily that drain was cleared.  Unfortunately the plastic sheild they provided to protect the operator and surrounding area was not up to the job. Everything was covered; the walls, the floor, the toilet seat - and the operator.  I looked in the mirror, at first in shock. Not a pretty sight.

My wife suspected something was wrong when I sheepishly asked whether my new Christmas sweater was washable. She said it was. About then the humor of it struck me as I stood there wearing Christmas dinner. I burst out laughing.  I've been chuckling about it ever since.  Nothing like a clogged toilet to make the season merry!  Happy New Year everyone!

FCC Disclaimer: I did NOT recieve even a case of Tidy Bowl for this...

Since the FCC now requires that we bloggers disclose any payments or gifts made for product reviews, I can say candidly that I have never recieved any money from the manufacturer of Mansfield toilets; no all expense paid trip to Perrysville, Ohio; no free toilet; no cool toilet accessories to pimp out my water closet; not even a free case of Tidy Bowl cleaner.  Oh well.

Actually, I don't like my Mansfield toilet.  It looks nice and everything, but it has one serious flaw.  It doesn't flush. We'll it does sometimes, but often it doesn't.  Not on the first try.  Sometimes not on the second try.  Three tries and some vigorous plunging, and your there.  Not my idea of modern convenience. 

I'm not in favor of these supposedly environmentally favorable toilets that waste more water than they save.  I want a real toilet that shakes the house when you flush it.  I want one that sounds like lunchtime at Jurassic Park; that makes you want to stand back a little for fear of being sucked into it.  That's the toilet I'm shopping for.  Any suggestions?  (Use the comments box below). 

Environ Mental: Remember when toilets used to flush?

I remember, because I am very, very old - no one knows for sure how old I am because I was born so very young - having an outhouse.  The outhouse was located quite a distance from the house. In summer it was important to have the outhouse at a safe distance.  In winter, however, the arrangement was not so convenient. I'm not talking about what they call winter in Oregon.  I'm talking about full-on Canadian "which snowy lump is my car?" winter. 

For most of my life I have grown up with toilets that flush.  However, over the last few years toilet tanks have become smaller and smaller.  This is supposed to help our environment by conserving water.  Many toilet tanks now use less than 3 gallons of water - a far cry from the old wasteful 5-gallon tanks we used to have. In their wisdom, our legislators have made it illegal to use the larger toilet tanks anymore.

The problem is that these toilets don't really flush.  I mean, they do sometimes, but mostly they don't.  You flush once, then you flush again, then you plunge it, flush once more, maybe twice, and voila, 9-12 gallons later you have simulated the flushed toilet experience using your environmentally friendly 3 gallon toilet.

I've tried the math on this several ways, and it just doesn't seem to work out.  But that's because I am not a legislator.  Legislators have a higher logic that allows them to see how toilets that use 9-12 gallons are really better for our country than those old 5-gallon tanks.  Which explains why, of course, they are most qualified to run our healthcare program.